Here is my latest journal entry detailing timewith my children and an extra special time
with my oldest, Teresa.
July 22nd
Thursday
Ginny, my nurse said I looked great today.
I had no reaction at all with the chemo.
I brainstormed for an Art Appreciation
Workshop that I want to have at the Cancer
Center.
This week I talked Fernando into letting
Teresa stay Sunday to Wednesday with
me. We had great fun.
We spent a weekend together a few weeks
ago. I took her to the Chelmsford Fair for
the 4th of July where Fernando, Abuela and
the other children met us.
I've been having the children one at a time
overnight. Fernando brings them all on a
Friday or Saturday and then leaves one whom
he picks up on Sunday bringing the other
children for another visit.
On Maria's weekend she helped me a lot
as it was my first weekend home from the
hospital and I was having dizzy spells.
I never figured out why.
On Ana's weekend we watched Beatrix
Potter movies of her stories. I had read all
the Beatrix Potter stories to all the other
children. I was happy Ana could be exp-
osed finally to these delightful stories with
a moral.
You may remember Peter Rabbit. That was
written by Beatrix Potter. I have also the
biographical movie "Miss Potter".
If I was to ever finish college I would major
in art and children's literature.
On Joseph's weekend I took him to Supercuts
for a haircut. He had been refusing to do so
for weeks. I just drove up and walked him in
and said "Resign. It will grow back."
He had refused he said because it took away
from his playtime.
After the haircut we had German crepes at
IHOP and drove around the lake. I took him
to the grotto to say a prayer. That night I showed
him a blue butterfly movie, "The Blue Morpho"
that is set in Costa Rica.
I thought he would like it since it had parrots in
it and exotic animals which he loves. He said it
was boring, "Not enough action."
In the movie a boy with brain cancer's one desire
is to catch the blue butterfly. In the end he doesn't
die and his tumors disappear.
The next day I took Joseph to Confession and Mass-
something we haven't been able to do for months
because of my illness.
When the children came to get Joseph Andrew
was all sad.
I made them French toast for dinner. Then we went
in the basement to play Town- a charade game they
made up and love to play.
When it was time to leave Andrew and Ana didn't
want to go. Who can blame them? Children
miss their mom.
Andrew was upset because he knew he had to
wait now for three weeks for his weekend with me
because Fernando's brother was coming to visit
and then Fernando was taking the children camping.
I walked him to the car, gave him a hug. It's so nice to
be able to hug the children again normally. For so
long they couldn't because of the pain from my
surgery.
So, now Teresa was with me. She is growing
up- a teenager. We enjoy each others company
and I hope to keep it that way. She still confides
in me her little troubles.
I listen with non judgement and then giver her my
advice that she seems to think makes sense. Logic
and a knack of common sense go a long way!
On Monday I took her clothes shopping. Tuesday
we went to the Concord museum and Colonial
Inn where we looked for paper dolls in old fashioned
clothes.
Since Teresa was three she has had this ongoing
study of old things- old fashions, old times.
She draws dresses of her own, plays with dolls
and paper dolls of ages gone by.
I see it as her personal therapy - her way to deal with
our family crises of loss, a split family.
Her play like this which I let her do for hours on
end helps here "work it all out."
She has had much strain on her way too much-
playing mom at dads house.
It has been too much a burden and her siblings
take advantage and don't listen to her.
Teresa has become bitter toward them.
Every weekend she is with me and on the phone
during the week we work on charity. I tell her
her reward is in heaven- she must love her
siblings even if she doesn't like their behaviors.
She must keep her opinions to herself instead
of constantly putting them down.
Being critical is a hard habit to overcome and I
haven't been constantly there to help her break of it.
We all have a tendancy to do this... it is human
nature. But something we have to overcome
to be good people.
Teresa though has so many good qualities also.
She can rise to a challenge when she wants.
She still is so sweet inside and has a lot of common
sense.
She loves her Faith and in many ways is a
contemplative. Why she finds the noise of her
siblings hard to deal with. She needs more
privacy. Having her own room is a big help but
I tell her she has to be kind to her siblings- when
she comes back to their world downstairs in play.
On Wednesday I took her back to dads. But first
we went to the science museum and saw the
Butterfly exhibit and the omnimax movies Whales
and Arabia.
Though we are Catholic I try to educate my
children about people of other Faiths so they
will treat them with charity.
Though we don't worship with them, we must
love them as they need God's saving grace
also.
The night before Teresa and I watched two
other Arabian movies "The Black Stallion
Returns", and "Arabian Knights".
Yes, I do watch a lot of movies these days.
It's hard to do much else when you are sick
and tired.
Reading is an extra effort. Though, I have
read many books while being sick- mostly
the lives of the Saints and educational books
related to the teaching of children and adults.
Aside from Mona Brooks books on drawing
lately I've been reading "Designed to Faith
Catholic Education in America" by Steve
Kellmeyer.
It's about how and why the parochial schools
have failed and why the homeschool
movement is more align with the Gospels-
with Jesus plan for children.
They were meant to be taught by their parents.
Catholic schools were for older children (who
were back then at age 12 considered adults)
or for the Catholic education of pagan children
who's parents didn't know the Faith to transmit
it to them.
St. Alphonsus Ligori always said "Education
is the Faith." - So different from the world of
secularism.
In other words the true end of true education is
to love God, serve Him and go to heaven and
go to Heaven to spend eternity with Him.
The end of secular education is praise, prestige,
to make a lot of money and to be successful
in the world.
It's focus is earthly things that won't save your soul.
Catholics need both -(or I should say, all souls
need both) as they do need money and property
to raise a family- but it needs to be in moderation
and the main goal always is to be in heaven-
in union with God by following a life of virtue
instead of vice.
It is why Catholics don't fear death because
death means heaven and heaven means a new
life Forever as God intended before the fall of
Adam and Eve.
But we have to follow his moral code to get there
and confess when we don't to have even a
chance.
Ours is a comforting and beautiful pious religion
which brings us great peace when we follow
Our Lords footsteps.
But back to my book- it says that the Catholic
have failed in the USA because they take
the children away from their parents too young
and because the schools have been modeled
after the secular school's in many bad ways
even with their Catholic element.
But you will have to read the book to see why.
I should my thoughts with Teresa and she says
"Mom, you like to talk."
I laugh and say thats because I'm alone too much.
Normally I'd be with my family every day and
now I'm forced to be in this abnormal split family
existance.
I save up lots to say with no one around half the
week living in silence in a contemplative
Carmelite spirit.
I took Teresa also to the St. Joseph's Shrine.
I said "say a prayer to God in front of your
favorite Saint." She said a prayer in front
of all the saint statues. Good girl.
Then she lit many candles at the Our Lady
of Lourdes Grotto. "I like lighting candles"
she said.
Me too. We have lots to pray about.
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